Crowder's Commentary

Gwinnett Co.

2006-10-04T12:56:00.000-07:00

No offense to my friends James and Megan Kirkpatrick, but what is up with Gwinnett Co. Georgia? Fo those of you who aren't up to par on this wonderful place, they recently removed a budget for Spanish-English books from the library. Why you ask? Well some residents didn't want to pay for books that illegal aliens might be reading. Heaven forbid they be able to read English.

It shouldn't be surprising that racial statements still survive in the south. The decision was quickly reversed. The new war is against Harry Potter. There must be a fanatical religious group down there. Harry has overstepped his bounds by being a witch. This apparently goes against God's will. The whole water to wine and bread thing should be overlooked I guess. What took these people so long to realize there were witches in the books? Where have they been? Can we send them back?

One person at the hearing pointed out that you would also have to get rid of "Macbeth" and "Cinderella". Well perhaps not "Cinderella", that was only a fairy godmother. These misfits of the supernatural are probably not in the same class as witches.

I was accidentally led to a church. Therein was a session where they also condoned the Harry Potter books. While waiting for lunch, the person I went with said "wasn't that a great sermon"? I replied "yeah, the Nazis condoned book burning too"? We didn't talk much after that.

Revolution Candidate

2006-09-28T08:35:00.000-07:00

This morning I was on my way back from the Gym at 7:30. The streets are crowded with people rushing to work and children going to school. It is what one expects to find in the morning. I'm in a rush as well. Work starts in an hour and I need a shower.

There is a road that I take that is timed at 38-40 mph. The posted limit is 45, however the slower speed assures that all lights for 3 miles are green. Today there were a few cars stopped at a major intersection becasue they weren't as savvy to this as I. The light turned green and they sat there. And sat. I looked up to see a car going North, I'm heading East, waiting to make a left turn. The West bound traffic is now through the intersection, and I'm moving as well.

In the white Ford Explorer is a Blonde Woman talking on the cell phone. She must have broken down, I think. She should have her hazzards on and help notify traffic, no wait that is a guy thing. Passing through the intersection, I see her put the car in reverse never releasing the phone.

What phone call is so important that you forget you are making a left turn? I don't know who this waste of animate matter was, but I say put her up against the wall with the Lawyers when the Revolution comes. Even better if she is a lawyer.

Global Warming

2006-09-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

Ummm where is the end of life as we know it? Where are the 15+ hurricanes that would eliminate life in the Gulf of Mexico? Where is the blistering drought? I will conceede that the ice caps are melting, and to that I can see the effects. However out here in So. Cal. the Summers seem to have been milder than in the past. 2005 saw the second largest rainfall on record.

The National Hurricane center has only 4 hurricanes on record this year. Last year we had 15. Granted the season still has 2 months to go, but it isn't looking good to even come close. What about the models that predict a quick cooling of the earth after the polar caps melt? What about the fact that it happened before without us being here? I just saw a Discovery Channel show on the mini-ice age that lasted for a couple hundred years in the 1600 and 1700s. Could what we are experiencing be a rebound to that?

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for cleaner air. Since I was a child here in the Inland Empire, which is only inland not an empire, the air quality is much better. I applaud the fact that I can see the mountains half of the year. I'm puzzeled that now the greenhouse gasses are so great. Does that mean that when we had more Smog, we had less environmental damage? They keep talking about going back to old levels.

Speaking of greenhouse gasses. The scientist who got us all to save the ozone hole, now has a new badge on her shoulder. It appears that in the wisdom that stopped us using aerosol cans, charcoal lighter, and a host of other things, caused an increase in greenhouse gasses. Perhaps we just helped close the hole that was letting those gasses out?

I also wish that the media could get it right. This all started last night when ABC World News aired a piece on the subject. They talked about some Dr. nammed Twitty that discussed the Apocolypse that was comming if we don't stop what we are doing. The whole time they talked about a 2 degree increase world wide. My question is, is that Celcius as most predictions are or Farenheit? Not that the masses of Americans would understand. Now when the summer temp goes from 91 to 94 they all can scream that Global Warming is here. They will flock to the churches and pray. They will also crank up the air, turn on the T.V., do the laundry, all while staying inside to avoid the impending disaster.

Poor Phil

2006-09-25T08:40:00.000-07:00

The soon to be the also ran candidate for California Govenor, Phil Angelides has thrown all of his weight to the left. Phil is currently 10 -15 % the Govenator depending on which poll you look at. This is amazing in a state that is bursting at the seams with Democrats. The Govenator has a less than 50% approval rating. How then is he beating out Phil?

That is the question on 15 person, non media covered events that he attends. In a new twist to garner the votes of those who should already be on his side, he has gone after the Iraq War. He is now an open opponent to what is happening in Iraq. In a move that is sure to be of interest to the Democratic party as a whole, he is vowing to sue the Government. He wants all of the National Guard home and he wants to sue for damages.

Ummm, perhaps he didn't grow up with a full comprehension of the word National? Admitedly there is an implication in the name that the Guard is to be a Home Defense unit. Perhaps he missed the fact that the president can send 200,000 troops anywhere he wants without an act of Congress? However desperate times call for desperate measures. The Govenator keeps getting media coverage with Liberals like George Clooney. It appears that Phil is only hanging with the seat fillers from a temp agency. When the major news channels can't be bothered getting footage of you, it is pretty sad.

Friday Funny

2006-09-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

This was just what a Friday needs.

Subject: You think you have had a bad day? Are you having a jellyfish bad day?
This is funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work .. think of this guy:Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 On FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job Experience contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.
It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't crap for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day? May you NEVER have a jelly fish bad day

Hugo Chavez

2006-09-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

This guy is funny and terrifying all at the same time. I just have to wonder why we don't use some of his tactics against him? How would he feel is we suddenly demanded to have a 51% stake in Citgo? We could set our own prices, and the Government would get the profits. I'm sure there are a few worthy causes that could benefit from that infusion of cash.

At the U.N. he stated that Geroge Bush is the Devil. Apparently this guy failed his New Testament courses. Hugo you need to go back to Sunday School. I'm not a religious person, but I have watched the Discovery Channel on Biblical and Apocalyptic issues. It clearly states that the Anti-Christ will be loved and adored by the masses. Nobody likes Bush. Well certainly not the masses. I'd wager that more people like Hugo. Perhaps his espousing is a way to divert attention from his true Anti-Christ ways.

Go Thailand

2006-09-21T09:41:00.000-07:00

Hi all, I'm back. Sorry for the absence.

As much as I make attempts to support our current political climate I have seen the path that was missed in Iraq. We simply should have waited until Saddam was out of town. Many of you know that I had the pleasure to be in Thailand for a week at the beginning of the year. The Thai people are more pleasant than and employee at Disneyland. There is a constant air of wonder and tranquility there.

It therefore comes as a happy discovery that the recent coup was bloodless. What else would you expect from a country that is something like 95% Buddhist. Aside from the political aspect, it was probably the larges military event in years. They were more showing off their Vietnam era weapons harking back to when the U.S. still made good vehicles.

What I love is that the Prime Minister was in the nearly defunct U.N. when it all happened. The military surrounded the government house and threw everyone out. The General then went to the King and pledged allegience to him. Later the king agreed that the General was right and accepted his new rule.

The moral of this story is; if you want someone out of power, wait for him to go away, then move in.

GO THAILAND

Menu Advertising

2006-09-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'm fed up with advertising invading my meal choices. When small mom and pop places did it in the past, it was kinda cute. You could argue that it was needed in order to offset their costs. With the advent of the laser printer though. I can't understand it. These tri-fold menus are obviously not printed professionally.

The most offensive are the menus at Cheesecake Factory. Is there any logic that this company needs to have advertising for others filling up an already monstrous menu selection. I can see that it was hip back in the 80s and 90s. While I worked at Activision, I thought it sick and twisted that they left the add with Ron Goldman in after he was killed. Someone needs to tell them that it is time to stop. This goes for movie theater ads as well, but that is another rant.

There is one funny thing that occurs occasionaly. Often times the smaller establishments print cupons in their ads. Ok there is some redeeming grace for me there. However, why do they laminate the menu?

Happy Dining.

HIlton & God

2006-09-12T09:14:00.000-07:00

Hi all, sorry I missed yesterday. It was insane around here. However I wanted to share an interesting discovery I had this weekend. I stayed at the Hilton in San Diego's Gaslamp quarter. This is a small and nice hotel. Even the drunk Frenchmen who were in for the Extreme Sports Marketing convention were kept in check, sort of.

Well one of the first things I do when I get into a hotel is snoop. I'm not sure why, but I like to see what stuff I might use is lying around. The warning of $5 for the bottle of Fiji water was nice. I check out the shampoo and soap to see what option I have. The Hilton had some nice Crabtree & Evelyn stuff. I look for the guides to the surrounding area. Again the Hilton was more than adequate. They even provided a map at check-in and personal reccomendations.

The one thing you might all be surprised that I look for is the Bible. Not that I'm going to be reading it, but to see what other religions are represented. I was in Hawaii once and found a copy of the teachings of Buddah. That I did read, and I still have the copy. In the drawer at the Hilton I found the Giddeon's gift as well as a biography of Hilton himself. I have to wonder if this is a new religious thing like Dianetics? Shouldn't a biography be found in the desk? I also noticed in the folder with all the important numbers, tucked behind roomservice was a section marked GOD. Below this were nearby places of worship. Hindu, Buddhist, and the war mongering western religions were all represented. I just thought, hey, the concept of GOD isn't universal here. Shouldn't the title be Places of Worship? Perhaps GOD chooses to make personal appearances at these few selected places? Who am I to know.

Origins of Santa

2006-09-08T08:37:00.000-07:00

Well it is Friday, and the blog server is back up. I believe that Fridays should always be light and interesting. I am therefore going to let you take a small trip through my sub-concious.

Last night the origin of the Santa Claus myth filled my dreams. No, I'm not in need of toys or eggnog. However the clues to the sleigh and why you should be nice not naughty for the day that the jolly man comes.

In the early days, the Reindeer didn't fly. The sleigh was shaped more like a ship. It was still Red gilded in gold and black trim though. This shape aided its traversing the arctic seas.

Santa was himself the great judge. He would come to town and steal away the children who were naughty. They would either become workers in his shop or gingerbread men. The presents left behind were a sort of payment for the children. This later became a reward for the good children.

The whole dream was much more graphic and entertaining. However if you need to explain naughty and nice to your children, consider this one.

Have a good weekend.

Phil Who?

2006-09-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

This has bugged me for awhile. I knew that I had seen our new Democratic Gubbenatorial candidate somewhere. Now I remember. Scary isn't it.

Chris

Labor Day

2006-09-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

Well it is finally here. The holliday where we celebrate the fact that our mothers/wives gave birth. I hope you all are planning to enjoy the 3 days off. For those of you who don't have that option, I hope you have a good time doing what you can.

I saw an interesting bit on the news last night. http://www.phonespell.com/ This site will take your phone number and give you as many word combinations as possible. Sadly my new number has no results avaiable. I did find it interesting that my first number in Rancho spelled out 9-I-horrid.

I'd like to see what emerges from your numbers. Have a good weekend. Use a designated driver, then have them drive you to your destination.

Chris

The G in GOP is Green?

2006-08-31T11:25:00.000-07:00

Well here in this Left-Coast state of mine it is. The Gubenator has declared war on greenhouse gasses. Yeah he is a Republican, and business minded. So what is behind this? There are the obvious trends and the need for California to set them. In my view he is showing the extremists on both sides that we can live together. It is my guess that the Nation really wants the leaders to come off their high perches and work with us. Now Arnie is playing the Centrist card.

Yesterday he gave Villarigosa control of the school board. Sure the Teachers Union is miffed. They never voted for him anyway. I'll bet that Antonio will have a tough time going against him though. Environmentalists are praising him for his actions. They have in the past rallied against Phil "I'll promise to raise your taxes" Angelides.

I believe that his campaign managers have realized that the best way to defeat a Democrat in this state is with other Democrats. The most powerful adds are ones that only quote Setve Westly, Angelides' opponent in the primary. Now he has parents of 750,000 students and environmentalists that have to question themselves.

LAUSD

2006-08-30T08:46:00.000-07:00

I'm in a quandary. L.A.'s Mayor has made a move that I really appreciate on many levels. For those of you who haven't been in the loop, Mayor Villarigosa has been trying to wrestle control of the L.A. school district away from the board. Using New York as an example he was able to finally persuade the state congress to approve the change.

I actually see this as at worst case a status quo. However there is a distinct possibility that it will turn out to be a positive thing. This mayor has no shortness of putting his face in every camera available. The question is will he be able to do it and cut the educational bureaucracy? There are nearly 750,000 students relying on him.

What will this do to the Union? The Mayor and the majority of the legislature are Democrat. They have now gone against the wishes of the teachers union. Will we finally see the end of another ineffectual union? The solidarity of the Democratic Party made a major rift here. What is the reasoning? Is it better to say we are trying something new because what we have approved for so long isn't working and we are giving up? Or is it better to say we have faith in our education system that we have always supported? Apparently they have finally realized that there is a breakdown. It is about time. Therefore my hat is off to Mayor Villarigosa today, and today only, for this bold move against the establishment. Congratulations.

Too much stuff

2006-08-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

Well there is far too much to get angry about today. Karr must have really felt guilty about his child porn issues and needed a free business class trip home. Yeah, he is free no DNA trace there. Good for tabloids, and he and Mr. Ramsey can do the talkshow thing. It is just another farce in the face of Colorado Law Enforcement. Perhaps it is somethign with the letter K, Kobe, Karr, Captain Kangaroo? Well the Captain was never sought after.

The painfully left rag TIME has a wonderful article espousing Nacy Pelosi. Apparently she is the next Speaker of the House. She says it, and TIME is backing her up. Apparently only San Franciscans are eligible for office in this state. Well bully for her, I was growing tired of hoping that I would be in control of my retirement. I'm sure that her and Cliton will allow me to spend my money supporting others in the hope of bettering the Nation. Thanks Nacy, I would have really been disappointed having my Social Security earn more than 3% interest.

Mark Burnett. What can you say about him. He managed to really put Adventure Racing on the world stage with Eco-Challenge. Ironically he was never that great of a racer, but he apparently was a good organizer. I know people who really like the races he put on. However the boost to the sport that he was bringing was short lived by the lure of, well money. Survivor. What trite crap is this show really. I'd like to see one of them finish an Eco-Challenge. Not to mention that the prise money for Eco was in the 40,000 range. Then he gave us the Apprentice, and I think there was a Vegas style thing as well.

There is hope on the horizon though. He and his band full of "Untouchable" the "Pioneers of Reality Gameshows" may have cut their own Achillies Heel. How CBS approved the new season is beyond me. Survivor, Race War. May the best race win. That is right White, Latino, Black, and Asian will comprise 4 tribes. So much for being judged by the content of their character. Thanks to Mark Burnett we will be able to watch every week to find out which is the best race out there. I tell you I'd love to be in some bars to watch what is going to happen with this one. I'm sure the Unrated version without the bleeps will be incredible.

Lets face it folks. The Romans were right. Rome was the Mob. So is every country. Bring back the Gladitorial games and debauchery and the masses will be happy. In times of weakness, give us someone to focus our discontent upon. Durring the elections this year, the country will shift Left. The centrist is gone. We want extremism. Survivor will escalate racial tensions, and perhaps the immigration issue will be passed because of it. It is going to be expensive, but very interesting. I'm just wondering if the Arabs, Indian, Native Americans, and all the other races have been declared 2nd class races since they are not represented on the show?

Dell Packaging

2006-08-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

Hi all. Well I was going to talk about my weekend and the exploits that happened. Then again what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. There are aspects that may show up here tomorrow. Today though is dedicated those dedicated employees at Dell.

This morning I recieved some hardware from Dell. I'm always happy to open their boxes. To me it is like Christmas. They package everything in nice organized boxes. Today however I got a bonus surprise. In the interest of helping bond with their customers, the employees at Dell provided me with the wrappers to two English Muffins and one Cheese and Berries Danish. These were accompanied by the 7-11 bag that the poor laborers used to haul the meal to their place of work.

I'm sure this may have been a cry for help much like the message "help I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory". Has the recall been so bad that we need to send food? Is Dell moving into a new market? I'd like to request food to accompany the packaging. Well I'm hungry now. I thing I'll see what is in the fridge.

Chris

8/28/06

To Michael Dell:

I first would like to thank you for sending my product so quickly. I look forward to using it. I was surprised to find the enclosed items though. I was able to discern that they were not part of the product itself. Then I realized that it must be part of a new marketing venture that your company was entering into. I’m sure the recalls have been tough. I was impressed that you timed this new product to coincide with a morning delivery. I thought the inclusion of the cross marketing company’s packaging was very open minded of you. I would recommend that if you are going to be successful in this new venture that you actually include the product. I only received the wrappers and traces of what had been included. I’m returning them to you in hopes that you can use this valuable research to your advantage.

Christopher Crowder

PresidentOrder #226858325

Friday Lite?

2006-08-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

Well here it is. Another week is behind us. I had first planned on talking about the "Catch-and-Release" program in our immigration system. Then I decided that this wasn't necessesary for Friday. Then the sad topic of Pluto being disgraced by being reclassified as a DWARF. In no way is this P.C. (Planetarily Correct). This is a blatant example of downsizing and playing off if I have ever seen it. There may be a marketing twist to it though. Dwarf things sell, Rabbits, Pigs, Lord of the Rings. Now you can get your own dwarf planet. Hmmm. Does that now mean that the moon is a dwarf planet who is really attracted to earth? Well I'm not going to go further down this line. My friend James has allready done an hommage to the poor little runt. http://www.palebluescot.com/JamesKirkpatrickNotAnAnonymousBlogger/tabid/36/EntryID/28/Default.aspx

I'm going to rant today about 1 more reason that the American car manufacturers are dying. Sub-par cars that are designed to be worked on only by the dealer. The theory is that if you can check your own oil, then there is a problem with the design. There isn't a need for the dealer visit for that is a sin. A co-worker called me last night to let me know that their car wouldn't start. No big deal, the dome light had been left on, battery must be dead. I head over to the location and break out the jumper cables. First question, where is the battery? I couldn't see it. There were 2 terminals marked clearly for the + & - for jumpstarting. Who was I to argue. After a couple of tries, it turned over fine.

The battery light stayed on!! Power was flowing everywhere so the alternator was working fine. Shut the car off and it is time to break out the jumpers again. Fine the battery is dead, the car is 5 years old, the timing is right. Get the new battery and the car to my garage and my paltry set of tools. So where is the battery? Oh yeah didn't we skip the importance of this question earlier? I start with the Jump lines and start to trace them back. They go below the fuse box which is half the size of the new battery. I'm worried now. The fuse box is over the front left wheel. The cables continue to descend through the frame. Ehh, what?? Below the frame?? That is right kiddies snuggled in a spot designed for 1.5 hours labor lies the cradle for the battery. Between the headlight, fog light, wheel well, and the road is the battery. Internet time. There is no owner manual however I'm sure the cover says, "this is all too difficult please take to dealer".

Turn the wheel, remove the iterior cover, losen the bolts that are blocked by the cabling, finally the battery is free. Grab new battery and...., damn it is a top post and I need a side post. Ugg the dumb monkey needed Oreos and a cigar to calm down. Refusing to be beat, I call the 24hr Autozone. I am now a loyalist for this service. I show up and the counter person aks how I'm doing. I tell him that I'm replacing the battery on a Sebring. He feels sorry and tells me horror stories about it. I seem to be doing well by comparrison. An hour later I'm in the shower.

So for those of you thinking about buying American or are planning on working on your car this weekend, good luck. There is a reason I have a truck and a Jeep. If I worked on them it would be easy. You can see all around them. The troll that designed the Sebring deserves to have every owner take a crap on his front doorstep.

Have a good weekend.

Chris

Day One

2006-08-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

How does Copperfield go? "I was born..." So out of a year of observing my friend James' blog, I felt compelled to start one of my own. Like his friends, I was encouraged to vent in a constructive way not on those around me. That being said I will use this, at times, as a dumping site. I will wish many into Ann Coulter's Basement (ACB). I will do my best to provide flamethrowers and excellerant for various topics. Those who know me will undoubtedly sharpen their claws on the more conservative bent that I have. All you over zealous religious folk will purchase my ticket to hell or whatever horrible place you can conceive. With luck in all we will laugh and perhaps find a speckle of truth and interest. Then again I may just be typing to myself. That in itself is considered therapeutic, a journal if you will. My talking to myself is a sign of insanity. Which makes me wonder, if I'm using voice recognition software does it become therapeutic insanity?

For my firs topic I chose one that I think we can all side on. It may damage the pedicure of the extreme First Amendmenters, so be it. Arriving home last night my drive way had two objects in it. One was a nearly useless paper that I subscribed to in order to get a hat. The second was an ad telling me how fast Larry and Kim Parasite can sell houses. Having just bought mine I realized that their research department was seriously lacking. Wanting a nice looking driveway I shuffled both items around the corner to the trash.

Here is the key word, TRASH. Why is litter accepted if there is an ad on it? I certainly don't need a flyer advertising "Lola's Casa de Insurance" at the grocery store. If I toss this detritus on the ground do I face the $1000 fine for littering? I also have a bent towards the politicos. I understand that the need to reassure oneself that they are running for office requires 30 posters on the same corner. I'm all for your environmentalist banter. During the election. Why to I have to look at that crap when it is over? Is it there just in case we get to reconsider? Were your designers so miffed by the color scheme of the corner that they have decided to brighten the rest of our days?

Here is what I propose. To hell with raising taxes. To hell with having the cops write tickets for missing a front plate. I say that for every ad, door deck or what ever other horrible thing that will come up, the person whose name is on it is responsible for the fine of littering. For every item that is found on the ground, the city collects $100 for the first weeks offence, $250 for the second week, and we keep going. For the political stuff, they have one week to do the same or the city removes them with union workers in overtime hours, without coffee, supervised by the DMV. Then we add court costs and misc fees. I'm guessing we are looking at another $1000 per sign.

I see that this is a win win situation. The city makes money, the trash issue is minimized, and the beautification of the surrounding area is in play.